If you know anything about my grandfather… please do fill me in about him.
It was an oddly ordinary day as I came back from the very usual things that I would be doing on any given week day, when my mother asked me to call my grandmother and to make some time to see her soon. This may sound normal, but it definitely would be a strange request as my mom has very much a disdain for my grandmother, and for them to be on the phone is greatly out of the ordinary. I do not blame her for the bitterness though, my mother’s marriage to my father had been nowhere near perfect – as were her in-laws. That’s how I knew that something was not well when she told me my grandmother had contacted her out of the blue.
She cooly handed off the memo that my grandfather had been diagnosed with cancer and my grandma was hoping that we can stop by soon…
See, the thing is… we do not live very far from them, I would say about 30 minutes away, and this is because we moved away recently. Up until this past summer, we only lived 5 minutes from my grandparents. Looking back, I would honestly have to say that there were little to no motivation to see them. Not because I was angry or bitter, but merely because too much time had passed and we just didn’t know each other as a family. It was only a given title of formality.
This is not something that I’m proud about, who would be so bold to take pride in a broken part of their life? And this is where my struggle begins.
I do see myself as someone that is reasonable and quick to forgive, I rarely hold any grudges and I am very open to reconciliation. I thought that this was enough of me to do. I thought, if I do not hold any grudges, if there is no malice lingering in my heart, I’m in the clear and all is good. When I learned about my grandfather’s condition, there was an emotional hesitation. The news was alarming, depressing, and sad, but I hesitated on feeling anything. I became more stuck on the idea that now I really had to go visit them. Cancer is a very serious subject matter and I would never take it lightly, but the problem was that I would have been just as sad if I had heard anyone else was diagnosed with cancer. The problem was that there wasn’t much of a difference in the impact of emotions between strangers being diagnosed and my own grandfather.
With that being said, I started to think to myself about the lives that we lead and the choices that we make. And I’m pretty sure there was a quote from somewhere from someone that says the choices that we make, make us who we are. I don’t remember where I might have gotten that line from, but it doesn’t really matter. What matters is that I make the right choices now, even if it is for people that failed to make the right choices in the past. I can either drop by once a month to their apartment, make sure things are okay and live on as if nothing were wrong, or, I can take this opportunity to spend whatever time has been allotted to build and mend a relationship that had been once severed.
This is a new area of my life that I never had to face. I was never put into a situation where I had to consciously make the decision to love and sacrifice a part of my life for people that I may not be so close to. Being nice and polite is easy, but to sacrifice a bit of yourself, it is far from it. This is definitely a challenge for myself and one that I need to take prayerfully and with an open mind.
I have to remember that even though I cannot make up for the time that’s been lost, I can still make a difference with what I have now.
Well, wish me luck.